In some way though, it is easy to take new things to your life. They feel exotic, give immediate pleasure, you see yourself developing quickly. Unfortunately, they are all trade-offs. As you take a new thing, your focus on the former ones decrease. Finally you notice yourself how you have forgotten and let those old things incompleted. It's probable that it will happen to knitting and yoga, unless I change my emphasis. Therefore, my focus has aimed on the former things, which I have procrastinated. What an interesting way to learn life-management and to achieve more!
Tuesday was the most killing day. I almost collapsed mentally, because I had faced such many obstacles. I couldn't get to dancing after all and my master's thesis didn't clarify in my mind. I had done such a big work to work that out but still, it is very unclear. The topic is extremely interesting and important, though.
Mental challenge then, was to accept my condition and let it go for a while. Without my mother's tea-healing I would have broken up. Demons started to arise and few tears even dropped by.
Luckily I could find my inner power in the end. For now, I have managed to put my master's thesis forward. It's extremely pushing to learn I never give up and surrender. For sometimes I'm also too inpatient, which I need to practice more.
It has been hard for me to relax completely and not worrying about things I need to do. A good practice for me could be to have a day without any efforts.
I also could continue to learn knitting, but I need to practice that a lot until I learn it truly. I started writing dream-diary but I failed as I couldn't continue it longer than few days.
What I am very PROUD OF, is I haven't used any intoxicants, such as alcohol for the whole time, although I've been in several parties. I've drank lots of tea, however.
For mental development, I'm able to show my emotions more honestly to others and especially, to myself. I can express my will more strictly. I focus more and more on decreasing the use of conditional in my speech. As I have wrote these things, many friends memorized me to remain the most characteristics of my personality, because they are golden and rare.
It is interesting to make a dichotomy between the things I want to develop in myself and the things which I shouldn't ever change. This is about self-acknowledgement to know how to direct that development. In any case, I need to accept myself as I am, also the not-so-good sides. And that's what is hard, because too often I get frustrated to myself as I want to be something else, that I need to develop myself.
Sometimes I see it in social situations, in which other people demand that unconsciously. Therefore, this phrase runs in my mind, which I find useful. "I don't need to please people all the time". There is a way to be selfish in a good way. That is what I call assertive.
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| prototype for tattoo |
Here is a list of things I planned to do for the past week:
Go busking -> yes (I played support song for dumpster-diving in front of shopping malls. It was recorded and filmed. Wait till it's edited!)
Dream-diary -> partly yes
Dancing -> no, but there are reasons in which I couldn't influence
Ice-skating -> yes
Continue master's thesis -> yes
Get injection needles to make ear-piercing hole -> yes (from a friend)
Plan a prototype for tattoo -> yes
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| injection needles for ear piercing |
I also did
Impro-rap in a party
Get a dear shirt back from a friend
Performing in front of people in a panel, voluntarily
Tell my father about taking a tattoo
Call to a friend when feeling bad and show my vulnerability to others
Ask injection needles from pharmacy and try to get them free of charge -> didn't work, though
For this week
Send letters to dear people
Music jamming night
Graffiti-making among a bonfire and friends
Wedding speech
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