3rd week of challenge

I think I have become more open to myself, also to other people than before. It is hard, though, as I don't bury rising emotions inside me that much anymore. Instead, I let them come in the right time and place. I go inside them and experience them fully. Afterwards, feeling of release comes and I'm able to let go and give up from my minds unpleasant thoughts. Then, my mind is blank and I'm able to breath and see the world as it is. Deep shit, but that's how I feel. That is what happened on Wednesday, after my bands gig. Performing opened my body for inner emotions which lead to a point 2 hours later, in which sorrow bursted out.

my new ear-piercing. Didn't hurt, though

Instruments for self-made ear-piercing. DO NOT MAKE such operations if you don't really know what you're doing

I've started to recognize defense patterns inside me and try to look at them and see what is the cause. What I need to do, is to accept them as a part of me, but still develop them. THAT is the hard challenge. I have asked for empathy from close friends I haven't really asked before. Although I feel mentally scattered and vulnerable, it has been rewarding to find out people are willing to help me and keep me on my feet. That was my challenge on Monday. Me and my friend could explore our minds together by discussing and I could let go of the demons I had inside. Afterwards, I smiled, stared people in the eyes and went to talk with to African people in a subway, because I felt so. I wanted to give them a good feeling. They said I could be from Gambia, as my sincere attitude towards people indicate that. I was thinking if I should ask them   for a hot cup sometimes, but I didn't feel like it. It comes in some point, then. I was proud of myself.

At my work, a nature guide asked me to do a responsibility for him. I felt immediately inside, that I don't want to do that, because it's his responsibility. I kind of took a defensing stand and said "I don't manage to do that, I have other things to do". I think that's okay, but rather I should have said: " I believe it's your responsibility and that's why you should do that". I learned from it, but I just need to find the right words when the situation actually happens, not afterwards. That is also a BIG challenge. If somebody has good tips for that, I'd be glad.

Our cosy lair for campfire, next to an empty storage building 

Handy basket for barbecue

I have failed to continue knitting but it's waiting for me. I could make two envelopes. I just need to write good letters and send them. I haven't continued dream-diary. I couldn't go to yoga, because of work. One big physical and mental challenge, was to take a safety pin-piercing. I arranged a dumpster-diving excursion for two friends. My friend blogged about it. You can find the story and pictures here: http://dreamspire.fi/haaste-19

art flourishes from our hands

Here is a list of things I originally planned to do for the past week:

- write letters to dear people -> partly yes (envelopes made!)
- music jamming night -> yes
- perform a good gig -> yes
- give a wedding speech in friend's wedding -> yes

- organize a hang out with a campfire in an old industrial area, including barbecuing dumpster-dived food and using mostly construction material for campfire -> yes

- continue solving out master's thesis -> yes (I got a new, interesting, easier topic)
- go swimming in an icy lake -> yes (after sauna)

dumpster-dived food for barbecue

What I also did
- took a safety pin-piercing
- told my father about taking an ear piercing
- arranged a dumpster-diving excursion for two beginners
- cycled almost throughout the week, independent of the weather
- watched a film alone in cinema
- commented a status of a politically active friend -> yes (it was about wealth and equality)

Our dodgy storage hall

My challenges for this week:

- Write the letters and send them

- go to yoga again

- fix coat a bit

- continue working on master's thesis

- edit THE busking video

- go to a group meditation

- complete music recording sessions successfully